I have the honor of having this post was quoted in the book 150 years of Gynarchy by the esteemed film artist and author Ms. Viola Voltairine! Pick up your copy today!
NOTE: This is currently a work in progress. I wanted to put it out incomplete as I develop my thoughts and writing on the topic however.
NOTE: Chastity (as enforced with a device of some sort and without any active teasing) has waned as an interest of mine, in equal measure to the growth of my interest in tantra & orgasm control and denial. My opinions on the matter is simply that, my opinion honed by decades of chastity fantasy and play. Please take them for what they are.
I’m going to start with a controversial statement that might upset any enlightened women reading this, but “Your power over me begins with my penis.” Note my emphasis on the word “begins“. More on that later. But like it or not, I am probably not going to crawl through the broken glass of a million shattered glass ceilings, I am not going to beg you to lick the filth from your boot heel, unless the feeling starts in my dick.
“Yes”, you may agree, “That’s why I lock men in chastity. To make them horny and through their horniness, compliant to me!” But at least for me, chastity diminishes my arousal almost completely. Perhaps it comes from months of experience being locked in a cage and ignored, but once I am my cock seems to know the futility of attempting an erection and doesn’t even try no matter what erotic thoughts I have. My mind, hence my desires, become mundane. The chastity, less a focus of eroticism, becomes a source of discomfort and annoyance. When I am uncomfortable, I am an eye-rolling grump about as far from a willing submissive as a guy can get.
If that is your goal, then by all means use chastity as a punishment. Not as a long-term means of control. Perhaps you think of it as a symbol of ownership. A irremovable collar or cock ring will could accomplish that as well, without the discomfort and energy sapping of a chastity cage.
Furthermore, chastity talk always revolves around the holy grail – the ultimate secure device. Why does it need to be secure? Because once you lock a man in one, his thoughts turn almost immediately to trying to get it off so he can stroke his almighty dick… our source of all pleasure. That means as soon as you put it on him and turn your back, his mind is occupied with sneaking a way out, lying and deceiving you, and subverting your express desire he not be uncaged. So you are now pressed into coming his vigilant jailer at great cost and energy to you.
Let me digress a bit here and express another opinion. A male slave in a commited M/s relationship should be a battery to a dominant woman, giving her far more energy than she puts into him. Tantric energy, mental stimulation/energy, actual physical energy through his working for you. I’m not advocating a one-sided power exchange, I’m saying that point of owning another human being is that they should empower you. If they are draining more or even equal amounts of energy, then that’s an egalitarian relationship in my opinion. Not an M/s one.
So back to the caged male, plotting his deception and escape. Lying to you and undermining your authority should be a game ender in my mind. If you don’t accept the authority you’ve willing submitted to, then what’s the point?
Enter Edging and denial. After a short amount of time, the caged male will become compliant and more obedient for sure, but not to you in my mind. He is focused on being nice to you to get the cage off! It’s just a transaction to him. His focus is on the discomfort of the cage and wanting to remove it, not really on you! You’ve just become an obstacle to his pleasure.
Let me ask you – in your experience, who is more willing to say yes to taking the garbage out for you? A.) Your husband, lying on the couch watching his favorite TV show or, B.) The guy whose hard dick is in your hand, being slowly stroked by you. Hmmm?
On an esoteric plain, a chastity cage prevents arousal, the spark that ignites tantric energy and whatever dribble (pardon the pun) of energy is there is completely blocked in the root chakra. Masturbating and edging allows the spark to ignite a bonfire of erotic energy and pumps it up and up through all the chakra points, pulsing and throbbing in beautiful energizing light. Which without permission to release that energy through orgasm, leaves it available. Available to pour into work, into giving orgasms (by that I mean by sex or by being the masochist to a sadist or whatever floats your dominant boat), into deeper submission.
And masturbation is an altered state. Yes. It is. Your breathing, the pattern of your blood flow, your musculature all change. The chemical makeup of your mind changes during masturbation. Dopamine and endorphins flood your synapses and open pathways that aren’t open during your normal day-to-day. And I would state even further, open your mind to powerful suggestion. Much like hypnosis. Think of edging as an induction!
If chastity says, “I won’t let you orgasm. Try and stop me.” Then edging and denial says, “We agree I am the power in this relationship and you will deny yourself orgasm because I wish you too. Because I desire your energy focused on me. Because it amuses me. Whatever, the point is you will willing sacrifice your basest male desire but you want to obey. Because you love the feeling of when your dominant taps into your battery of energy and uses you all up!
The carrot? Or the stick… ? Hmmm?
Chastity? Or frustrating edging & denial?
TO EXPAND ON IN THE FUTURE:
More on edging, alternate reality, and Maslow’s peak experiences
In Abraham Maslow’s famous hierarchy of needs, self-actualization is located at the very top of the pyramid, representing the need to fulfill one’s individual potential. According to Maslow, peak experiences play an important role in self-actualization.
Peak experiences are often described as transcendent moments of pure joy and elation. (Like reaching the edge of orgasm) These are moments that stand out from everyday events. The memory of such events is lasting and people often liken them to a spiritual experience. Other experts describe peak experiences in the following ways:
“Peak experiences involve a heightened sense of wonder, awe, or ecstasy.” “…a highly valued experience which is characterized by such intensity of perception, depth of feeling, or sense of profound significance as to cause it to stand out in the subject’s mind, in more or less permanent contrast to the experiences that surround it in time and space.”
Peak experiences bear numerous similarities to the concept known as flow described by positive psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Flow is a state of mind during which people become so involved in an activity that the world seems to fade away and nothing else seems to matter. When in a state of flow, times seems to fly by, the focus becomes sharp and people experience a loss of self-consciousness.
Flow can happen when a person is having a peak experience. Everyday moments such as becoming engrossed in a thrilling book, working on a satisfying project, or enjoying an afternoon game of basketball, (or edging at the command of a beautiful* woman) can all lead to a flow state.
*The woman controlling your sex IS the most beautiful woman in the world to you, trust me!
Idea: The ‘animal’ brain, frustrated in getting the response it has been trained to expect, will try more frequently at first, then look for other avenues of, in this case pleasure, leading to an expansion of erotic zones in the man.
Idea: Denial and religious aspects. Becoming his goddess. Ruling his heaven and his hell.
Idea: It is not a punishment or taking something away, it is a gift and honor – of being controlled and called mine. And it is my helping you remain focused on me so you never disappoint me.
Idea: chastity focuses his attention on his relief and pleasure. Sure he serves you in hopes of ‘getting some’, but with edging and orgasm denial you can brainwash him into you as his pleasure (edging) and not cumming as obedience to you. Obedience = Pleasure.
Idea: More fun – stroke puppet.
