The slightest bit of approval from Goddess always fills me with elation and relief, a reaction that had grown in me over time.
Her indifference to me is a powerful thing, and She uses it well to keep me in my place. I didn’t know what to make of it at first when she had suggested that I sacrifice my orgasms for 108 days for her, and then instructed me on the nature of our relationship. At first it had just seemed a kinky game, denied and being summoned via DM whenever she needed me to attend to something.
In time as the days and weeks ticked on, the power it gave Her became more and more apparent. Kink and arousal gave way to a sense of fear and apprehension as my needs and urges grew. She made no secret of Her indifference to my suffering. At times She even truly seemed to enjoy it.
Day and night, I began to yearn for Goddess; to crave Her simplest attention. Every waking moment, She was all I could think about. At home, in the store, in the car, in bed; She was never far from my thoughts and dreams. It became hard to concentrate, fantasizes of Her would just come into my head and I would have to focus so hard to get them out. And she used my increasing devotion only to push me lower, growing ever more cold and impersonal; gracing me with only the tersest of texted commands when my service was desired. “Yes Goddess” was the only response She expected in return.
My apprehension soon became fear and awe as it sank in just how insignificant I was/am to Her. My thoughts became ever more focused on when I would be needed next, how I could serve Her, how best to please this beautiful superior being who held such power to over my mind & body. What could I do to coax the slightest of smiles from my all powerful Goddess’s lips, to satisfy this being who held me in such intense captivity.
Months into my servitude my place was firmly secure. My real life was no longer ‘out here’, but in Goddess Voltairine’s universe; managing her websites, paying her daughter’s tuition, being her secretary & confidant. Try as I could, I could not forget who it was that owned me so utterly, who kept me so cruelly captive, held in such thrall to Her during the long days and weeks between her DMs, who had stripped me of so much and reduced me to a mere non-sexual ‘thing’ devoid of any male ego, in service to a living breathing Goddess.
Years on now, she continues to ignore me as I serve her, no sexy selfies or teasing texts like I hear others get; as is only proper of some male creature of my lowly station. A station I’m not even alone in as I found out over time. Others just like me serve Her as well. Drum, Robbie, Max, Wayne, Grant, and now her favorite sexy diversion/boy toy, Alex…
“To tell you the truth dasa, I want to go on building my hive & temple until I can’t even remember all your names or faces anymore! LOL!” She joked once in a comment on my journal. Stated so genuinely and with honest amusement, her comment flashed through my head now with a sense of both poignancy and appropriateness. Was I even worth the meager attention Goddess already allotted me? I knew eventually I would simply end up in her Oubliette – her ‘little forgetting place’ and then I would wait in vain for the rest of my life, craving an order from her or her permission to finally cum… And it would never come.